In my constant quest to better my spiritual life, I started to read a book called “Messy Spirituality”. This book has really opened my eyes to several things, even though I have only read the first two chapters. The first thing that I have discovered about myself spiritually is that it is ok for me to be where I am right now, at this moment in time. I am at a place where I feel like I am going no where; in fact, sometimes I feel like I am only going backwards, like I am not really getting closer to God. This has really bothered me for a long time! It seems like no matter how much I pray or read my Bible, I don’t get anywhere. I don’t feel God’s presence like other people seem to. I really want to feel that. I feel like my life is a spiritual wreck! But you know what? It’s ok. Jesus accepts me for me, for who I am right now, for who I was yesterday. He drove his enemies crazy when he slammed the most “holy” people of his times. He was antagonized for hanging out with scum, with people whose lives were a wreck, people like me. He prefered the company of the imperfect to the company of the “perfect.”

How awesome and encouraging is that!! Jesus wants to hang out with me, even thought I struggle with a lot of things! He wants to be there to lift me up when I fail, to celebrate with me when I succeed, and to push me when I am feeling lazy!

The second thing that I have learned is this: When I feel like I have reached a spiritual apex and feel like I am on top of my game, I still need to look down hill for there is way more ground that I still have not covered.

I read this quote in the book and it really got me thinking.

He who thinks he is finished is finished. How true. Those who think that they have arrived,have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, hae missed it. Those who think they are saints, are demons.

Henri Nouwen, The Genese Diary

Just when you think that you are at your spiritual best, when you think that you have done everything to make yourself the best you can be, look at the rest of your life. There is no such thing as reaching the ultimate goal of being spiritually complete. You may have grown so far in one aspect of your life, but there are still other things that need to be grown.

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